The New Years Eve email

Usual programming will return shortly - in the meantime... This.

From: Barcs
Sent: Wednesday, 31 December 2003 3:40
To: Pigscricket
Subject: [pigscricket] The reason I'm sending an email at 3:40am
7:15 pm
Not that anybody should really be interested in ANY way but I would like to tell you all that I'm still at work... and I'm really board.  I am "monitoring" computers (hang on a sec, let me check... yep, they're still working - phew!).  Anyway, that's it and now I'm killing time telling you about it.
I just had a brief conversation with one of the cleaners.  A lovely lady with the misfortune of being very ugly indeed gave me a gruesome yet friendly smile and said with a quick pause between each of her words: "You - want - me - clean - here?".  "Umm, ok" was my riposte.  Thinking I could have done better I moved out of her way and smiled awkwardly towards her.  Gruesome meet Awkward.  Aaahhh yeah - that's likely to be the highlight of my evening...
Sorry, I had to go and restart a computer.  That's the reason I'm here.  I recommended trained monkeys for the role.  A human female who fancied herself as a joke teller said I was the closest they've got.  Mild amusement passed quickly on my part but lingered with others.  The joke teller then commenced to radiate satisfaction.
Huuuhgh...  I'll be here till 4am (7:30pm now).  Excuse me, I'll start again because that didn't quite have the impact I was going for.  IM FUKKEN HERE TILL 4 FUKKEN A FUKKEN M FUKKIT (grrrrr, exclamation points, cunnilingus, etc. - no wait!! - just the first two).  Now I started at 9am like usual (actually I got here about quarter past, but still... like usual) so it's going to be a PB for consecutive hours at work.  Wahoo.  Another positive is I get Friday off.  Anyone got a spare cricket ticket?  Ha ha ha ha ha - I'm not joking.
I wish these cleaners would go.  I really need to fart.
8:41 pm
Oh yeah.  It was a ripper.  Worth the wait and GOD !!!.  Corrr, ugh khaach !!  Urrrgh it really stinks.  F#ck, anybody would tell me to see a doctor.
Now I'm paranoid.  Better check there's nobody else about...
Nope, not within the crucial 10m radius anyway.  There are a couple of guys working on the other side of the floor though so any kind of masturbation this evening is out of the question.  Not that I was really considering it of course, ha.  Not this early in the evening anyway.
10:10 pm
Anyone tried those mustard flavoured chips?
10:12 pm
Just had a thought: I'm a computer monitor.  HA HA HA Haar, I don't even know if you get it but I've just amused myself so much that I'm still amused ha ha ha (but less so).  And now it's gone.  Oh well, that killed about 90 seconds.  Wait... oh, my computers're still working.
Oooh, my guts.  Got gastric.  My farts are bad (the uncool bad, not the Michael Jackson is "Bad" meaning he's cool type of bad.  Not that "bad" as good was ever cool with the likes of me - you know?  Although I did buy the cassette).  They seem worse because the air-con was turned off about 8 and the air just lingers.  Even the non-fart air is not good.  Excuse me - I just thought of a way to kill 15 minutes.  First I gotta find some reading material.
12:34 am
Write write.  Read.  Decide it's crap.  Delete delete.  Times 3 !!!  One more time.
I forgot what I wanted to say but it wasn't this.  My memory is lapsing.  Actually - right now everything is in a state of lapse.  Now where was I.  I've got no idea....
Anyway I filled out a Big Brother application form.  I wrote plenty crap about myself.  And can I emphasise the word crap?  Thanks.  Anyone got a video to loan me?  One of you guys has to be my "mate" who sits on the couch talking to Gretel answering questions about if this is the "real" Barcs that we're seeing in the house.
1:56 am
I've hit the wall.  The wall is hit.  By me.  I hit it.  I could do this job with a blood alchihol reading of "clinically dead" but unfortunately I can't do it asleep.  2 or maybe 3 hrs to go...  What really sux is that even if things go perfect job wise tonight (they kind of are) I could still be back tomorrow night until 10 pm.  That will suck so much that I'd call it hoover.  Was that funny?  No clearly it wasn't.  In fact it sucked so much I'd call it hoover.  Bugger it I'm leaving it in coz I jus don't care anymore.
Now I'm going to build up the courage to photocopy my arse...
2:30 am
Nope - it's not going to happen.
3:24 am
I'm going now.  Not home.  Just leaving this email coz ive grown tiresome of it - so, no doubt, have you.  So fuccen tired.  I just moved the handset of the phone and wondered why the mouse wasn't working!  I get replaced in 45 mins or so just assume I make it.  Back tomorrow about 11.  crap.  Thanks for keeping me company.
Later dudes! Cowabunga!

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